>>>FAQ<<<
Created: 10/11/04
Modified: 22/04/05
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"Objectify me and I'll
objectify you, and that will be our highest form of love. I don't want anything
intricate. I don't need S/M, special novel sex, touch-my-clit-this-way sex, be
sure to screw me only when the scent of rotten apples is filling the bed, make
sure that Vivaldi is playing, that the Backstreet Boys are blaring, fuck me with
pornography weighing us down on the bed, sit in the corner and dial up a 900
woman who will give you a blow job over the phone, and whack off for me - while
you retain a calm voice over the phone, shoot your spunk onto a centrefold, take
a bite of steak before making out with me, plant tulips and mangoes and apricots
in my cunt and eat them out of me, bronze my nipples and put them in the
Smithsonian, cast your torso and let me carry it around as a handbag, open up a
small café in my pussy and invite your parents and all your friends over for
coffee, look into my eyes and let your pupils dilate as you come and mouth my
name - and when you make me come, it's like a house with a goddamn chimney
flowing because you are home."
- From Feminist Writer Erin Cressida Wilson to her husband.
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>>> CHATTING & HATE-MAIL
Q.045. Why have you put me on
‘Ignore’?
A.045. Possibly
because you're a fat,
sleazy, balding 52-year-old perv suffering from mid-life crisis and 'yellow
fever'...Either that or you own a Burberry cap.
All this attention is very flattering, but it gets annoying when people don't understand that 'no' means NO. It's very hard (er...no pun intended) to participate in any mind-stimulating discussion when the other party is ONLY interested in getting in your knickers. And trust me, I can tell...People like that are VERY transparent...and not terribly original. So maybe SOME people would be alienated, but I think we can all live with that.
(Round one to me!!!)
Q.046. Why are you
discriminating against men?
A.046. I'm
not. I'm just being careful...For all intents and purposes, you are a
stranger after all. I do have many male friends, and am
much aware that not all men are prats...But the net being what it is, I prefer
to be cautious, which is why I prefer interaction in forums as opposed to
chatrooms...Firstly, they are moderated. Secondly, forums bring together those
(both males and females) who share a common interest, who are mainly there for
that reason, and not because they want to utilise the site's facilities to
form an impromptu dating club. Of course, there are always exceptions to
every rule, people being what they are...But if someone is genuinely out for friendship,
time will tell.
Intelligent debates tend to feature more in forums, where you see less gems like
"any fit blokes/birds wanna chat to me?"
I'm not really fond of chatting (as I have already mentioned)...There's nothing worse than chat windows appearing on my screen left, right and centre when I'm in the middle of something, which is why I'm always reminding friends and family to send instant messages only if it's an emergency...Otherwise, an email will do...and I'll reply when I'm damned well good and ready!
I am always open to the notion of making new friends, regardless of their gender, religion or background…Sir William Cecil (Queen Elizabeth I’s trusted advisor), once said: ”Information is a better coin than gold.”…That’s something I totally agree with…Knowledge is the only true currency…You can learn a lot from people, and everyone has a different tale to tell.
(Newsflash: I don't know why, but I've suddenly got this compulsion to pair everyone up so that we can all live happily ever after...Eek!!! How very Jane Austen! Or perhaps that's just the BPD rearing its crazy head...Hmmm...More likely I'm just being my silly perky self...I like to know that I've done something, even if it makes only a tiny difference, to bring a shmile to someone's face, to brighten someone's day...Making other people happy makes me happy! :-D )I am not having a go at those who chat people up...I understand that if you're interested in someone and want to know if they reciprocate your feelings, there's only one way to find out...However, when someone has already said no, please respect that.
So once again, please read my manifesto:
...Will befriend individuals from all backgrounds, preferably female, preferably around my age, and most definitely someone with cutting-edge flair (Yeah, you'll have to be 'edgy' enough to rival all 147 corners of the Nurburgring! So nerr!!!), or at least be able to string more than 10 words together!!!...I'm just out for honest friendship. Take note: I'm in a long-term/lasting relationship with a wonderful man, and have absolutely no interest in any romantic or sexual encounters (unless it involves no one else but my other half). Thus, I will not appreciate being chatted up by ego-harvesting, braincell-deficient primates. It makes no difference to me whether you are male or female...Any pathetic flirting ventures will receive the full blast of my verbal rebuke (or if you're lucky, I may just ignore any solicitous emails) and trust me, my substantial literary ammunition is most DEFINITELY a force to be reckoned with...However, if you do not fit in the above-mentioned category of inbred wankers, I'll be happy to chew on any bytes you send my way... :-p
Q.047. Your forum’s a little quiet, innit?I'm sorry, but due to lack of maintenance, some of the info you find on there might be old, and no longer relevant.
Q.048. Why is your email address not in a prominent place?The same if you have more questions...I'd keep things short and sweet though...There's a word limit, you understand.
Hate-mail will always be welcome so long as it's original, otherwise I might not deign to reply...I get irritable sometimes, and am usually happy to recruit new volunteers who want to stand in for my (rather worn-out) punching bag...metaphorically speaking, of course.
Oh, and by
the way...If you ARE going to send any hate-mail, at least have the balls
to include your email address...Don't hide behind anonymity, you big girl's
blouse! Honestly, I have no idea why there's all this animosity. I am by nature extremely pliable (gullible even...I almost always see the good in everyone and everything before the bad) and highly non-confrontational. Given a choice, I would never approach anyone to make an issue of things unless it's either the last resort, or I believe something worthwhile will come of the entire exercise (such as when the pros far outweigh the cons). Life is just too short to be looking for trouble. On the other hand, I've never been one to stand down when deliberately provoked.
Q.052. You
are missing out on a golden opportunity by not chatting to me.
A.052.
HAHAHaha hahaHahaha HahahaHA Hahaha
HahaHaha hAHa Hahahahaha
HahahahHAHAhaha HAAHAAAAhahahahaHaHa...
Q.053. You’re
an Ugly Bitch / Slut / Liar / Freak etc etc etc…Whatever…(these people are
rarely very original...some can barely even spell!)...Just fill in the blanks...
A.053.
Oh my, how perceptive and witty you are...I'm sure you'll do incredibly well in
life...Just think, someday, you might even find something more worthwhile to do
with your time than harass fellow net users...A job that doesn't involve silly
paper hats or the golden 'M' springs to mind...
You’re telling me all this because… ???
Hellooooo…Wake up and smell the rotten vineyard…I’m dreadfully sorry, but you seem to have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit...Since you don't feature very large in my life, I can only treat your juvenile insults with supreme indifference, or at most, the mild contempt that comes with swatting a fly…I’m not going to change myself just because YOU aren’t happy with the way I am, so get off the moral highground…
This is why tossers like that don’t even deserve a response from me…They just get permanently ignored (and perhaps have their particulars posted all over the web with details of their defamatory offence...perhaps I should create a Wall of Shame here...other net users have the right to know who these culprits are), so all their messages will bounce...Unless of course I've had a particularly stressful day, and they present a much-needed opportunity for me to let off steam...in which case, bring it on, SUCKERS!!! Do they not realise that their comments are merely Botox for my ego? (Humph! I already get enough compliments fulfilling that purpose, not least from David, thank you very much!) Not just because they’ve taken the trouble to share their thoughts with me (someone they don’t even know) but because, by behaving like utter tits, they make me look good! Sadly, few are worthy enough opponents to engage in sensible debate (or any form of verbal sparring for that matter...Their use of crude expletives merely reflects some sort of lexical deficiency), but that's ok...I could always do with a few more lab rats...[EYES LIGHT UP WITH UNHOLY FERAL GLEAM]...MUHAHAHA!!!!
This whole thing just smacks of playground tactics – “I won’t talk to you ‘cos you won’t talk to me…So neeerr”. What I don’t understand is…Why the hell do these people bother messaging me if they find me so offensive?? It must be some inherent vanity which makes them approach me with their views, to assume that I'll actually be interested in what they think, even though they haven't got anything constructive or profound to offer which would inspire a significant change in my life (and if this happens in a public domain, it would also bear no relevance to any ongoing discourse amongst civilised people)...They quite clearly expect some sort of reaction by being deliberately malicious…I can't for the life of me see how anyone could view me as a potential threat...It’s not as if I’ve forced them at gunpoint to swallow my words whole and live them as Gospel, so why are they taking it so personal? Could it be that I’ve somehow managed to strike a raw nerve, thus dredging up some insecurity of theirs? Are they perhaps cowards at heart who feel the need to put up a 'front'? (And by the way, the tired old argument that you only happened to be browsing my page by accident just doesn’t gel with me…You could only have got here because you saw a link, got interested, and CHOSE to click it). Surely, if someone has got nothing else better to do than to annoy harmless users on the net, he/she should probably be taking a closer look at his/her own life and not that of others....Tsk tsk, picking fights with total strangers? Such audacity...the cheeky bastards...It takes a certain kind of personality to do things like that, and such behaviour is very telling...If these unprovoked attacks are not the worst form of attention-seeking, I don't know what is...If they want the whole world to find out just how abusive and insecure they are, I'd say they're succeeding admirably...
And don't you cite Article 10 of the Human Rights Act 1998 (first amendment aka the "first refuge of scoundrels" if you're from the US of A) as justification...You need to know what you're talking about to understand the concept of 'free speech', which these people quite clearly do not.
"The exercise of these freedoms,
since it carries with it duties and responsibilities, may be subject to such
formalities, conditions, restrictions or penalties as are prescribed by law and
are necessary in a democratic society, in the interests of national security,
territorial integrity or public safety, for the prevention of disorder or crime,
for the protection of health or morals, for the protection of the reputation and
rights of others, for preventing the disclosure of information received in
confidence, or for maintaining the authority and impartiality of the judiciary."
-
Clause 2, Article 10 of the HRA 1998, adopted by English law in October 2000
(Haven't you been taught to always read the small print? You want the privilege of this freedom, you can jolly well EARN it!)
But you know, I haven't really got all that much time to waste on amateur psychology which is really their shrink's responsibility...At the end of the day, it's their life, ergo, their problem...
So this is the LAST time I will explain this…You live your life your way, and I'll live MY life MY WAY...If you don’t like it, there’s the door…Use it.
(Check!)
Q.054. Don’t you think you’re just a little too full of yourself?A sound appreciation of humour obviously isn't part of your repertoire...Stay with me on this, and I'll re-educate you.
Q.055. Who wants to get to know you anyway?And stop sulking...It's not becoming.
Q.056. Fuck
off!
A.056.
Go learn a new word or something
and stop bothering the grown-ups...
Now, run along...mumsy's very busy...She's resonating concrete...
(And mate!!! HAH!)
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