>>>FAQ<<<

Created: 10/11/04
Modified: 22/04/05

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"Objectify me and I'll objectify you, and that will be our highest form of love. I don't want anything intricate. I don't need S/M, special novel sex, touch-my-clit-this-way sex, be sure to screw me only when the scent of rotten apples is filling the bed, make sure that Vivaldi is playing, that the Backstreet Boys are blaring, fuck me with pornography weighing us down on the bed, sit in the corner and dial up a 900 woman who will give you a blow job over the phone, and whack off for me - while you retain a calm voice over the phone, shoot your spunk onto a centrefold, take a bite of steak before making out with me, plant tulips and mangoes and apricots in my cunt and eat them out of me, bronze my nipples and put them in the Smithsonian, cast your torso and let me carry it around as a handbag, open up a small café in my pussy and invite your parents and all your friends over for coffee, look into my eyes and let your pupils dilate as you come and mouth my name - and when you make me come, it's like a house with a goddamn chimney flowing because you are home."
 - From Feminist Writer Erin Cressida Wilson to her husband.

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>>> LOVE & SEXUALITY

Q.003. What say you to some lesbian fun?
A.003. Can you believe some of the things people ask?

Don't laugh...I have actually been approached with this proposition...Some people just can't take no for an answer...I tell them that I'm already taken, and quite happily so, but these over-zealous individuals will still predictably respond, with genuine bafflement and dismay, "But you're bisexual!"

SO???

Just because I'm bisexual, people automatically assume I MUST be on the lookout for a female partner as well, and that I'm 'up for it'...All I mean when I say I'm bisexual is that I am equally attracted to both sexes, PERIOD...You can't get any simpler than that, so don't look for hidden meanings. I make no distinction between the genders and have no dominant preference for either...That my other half happens to be male is purely incidental...I'm not the type to have several relationships going on left, right and centre...I prefer monogamous relationships, and my needs are currently very well taken care of, thank you very much.

I recently had someone asking me how I've managed to reconcile marriage with bisexuality, if David knew about my inclinations, and how (quote verbatim) "do you know when you want a man or woman?" and "what if your husband wants to join in?".

This was my reply:

"I think if my husband didn't know about it, he would now...seeing as I've had this info plastered on a very public profile on the net!!! But yes, of course he knew it from word 'go'. It's not something that you can easily keep a secret when you get married!

Being bisexual simply means that gender is not a barrier when choosing to be with someone. That's all. It's not much different from a straight man deciding WHICH woman he wants to be with (and then maintaining a level of loyalty which keeps him from straying within the bounds of marriage). As a bisexual, I just had more 'options' (for want of a better term) when it came to choosing (or rather, falling in love).

I suspect the issue you're curious about lies more in the area of fidelity and commitment, rather than sexuality. My husband trusts me and believes I'm not going to run off with another woman as much as I believe he's not going to do the same (obviously with another woman since he's heterosexual)...and this faith we have in our relationship and each other is what keeps it going.

My husband made it clear from the very beginning that he's got no desire to join in and has expressly warned me that any sexual activity I engage in with anyone of the same sex will still be considered infidelity. I think he'd previously had some sexual experience with a lesbian couple and discovered it wasn't really his cup of tea."

Q.004. Why do you feel the need to announce your bisexuality? Surely that will only encourage more pervs to chat you up?
A.004. This is a very valid point, one which David himself has brought up...The only reason I have chosen to reveal it is because bisexuality is a part of who I am, which I don't feel I should hide or be ashamed of...Same reason I also mention that I suffer from BPD / IBS; I don't really have to let people know about my illnesses, you know...especially with regards to the BPD...It's based on principle...Bisexuals and homosexuals have problems enough as it is, trying to get themselves accepted, so I suppose this is just to show that all these people are not alone...It gives us a sense of belonging, a show of support...sort of... It's not much, since I'm no one special, but every little helps...I have met other bisexuals in the same position, who feel the same way...I guess it's also something to talk about, since it's an issue that's quite controversial...particularly if you're Asian.  

Also, many of my close friends had not previously known about this...It's not something that often comes up in conversation, so this is just my way of 'coming out of the closet'.

Unlike some so-called 'bi's who only announce their sexual orientation because it's oh-so trendy these days, I am not merely saying this to sound cool or pretentious...I assure you I have lived long enough on this piece of rock that is our home to know whether I do or do not fancy other women, and to have fallen truly, madly, deeply in love with a couple of them during the course of my existence...A little experimentation on the side when your best friend (who happens to be female) stayed at yours for a sleepover doth not make you a bi...particularly when it is done MAINLY for male gratification...
 
David and I have had a chat about it, and he is ok...Like every other woman on this planet, I get loads of men trying to chat me up anyway, regardless of my sexuality...so...[Shrug]...Having said all that, I am happy in a relationship, and although once in awhile I might find some women appealing (I tend to find more women attractive than men, for some reason...just something about the female body that's so so lush!!!!), I am happy to admire from afar, the same way I would gaze at works of art...Unlike most blokes, David would NOT be happy to catch me shagging another member of the same sex...I respect that...and expect the same fidelity from him...I am willing to have sex under any conditions (S&M, Water Sports, Roleplay, Anal, Outdoors, Live-Cam...whatever) as long as it's with him, and him alone...though you're gonna have to do some fast talking to bring out the V&E side of David!

Anyhooooo, ladies (and lady-boys), trust me on this; You do NOT want your eyeballs impaled on my claws...Miaow!!!

Q.005. Come off it! You have a strong web presence for someone who does not want to attract attention from men, and are a member of many ‘friendship’ sites. Are you sure it’s not all pretence, and that you're really secretly seeking for some clandestine fun?
A.005. This particular accusation came from an Oxford undergraduate (according to him, anyway)...Either he's suffering from an acute sense of superiority and an inflated ego, or Oxford University's entry requirements have become a lot less stringent.

This is what I don't get. Here we have this powerful tool, which brings all cultures together, and a wealth of goods and information to our fingertips, and yet, the most common word typed into a search engine is 'sex', or 'porn' or equivalent...We can play games on the net, go shopping, read the news, get educated (I can learn more in one night spent reading threads in forums or someone's blog than in one year's worth of uni lectures), pay bills, download stuff, join a meaningful organisation, or pick up a new skill from somewhere or someone, but the FIRST thing most people do is test an assortment of pick-up lines. THAT'S why we end up with this display of cynicism...which is all well and truly justified...HOWEVER, it might surprise some of you to discover the existence of a high percentage of non- pornographic material on the web. Evidently, not ALL net prowlers are ruled by rampant hormones...

[GASP]...Some of us are even intelligent!

Having travelled and lived all over the place, I've had the opportunity to get acquainted with many people. But all this moving around also means that I often end up losing contact with many of them, and the net is the best place to go when you want to search for people. THIS is why I am a member of so many portals. It makes things easier for those who want to get back in touch with me, whether they're ex-schoolmates, ex-neighbours, from a previous workplace or was a member of an organisation I used to belong to. And obviously, the more details I strew around (including my various IDs and nicknames, all uniquely mine), the greater the chances of these people finding me. I have actually had quite a high success rate in applying this technique, and many of those who were 'loved and lost' have now been 'found'. It's also a good way to raise publicity for my work. It's all about advertising.

One other thing, I don't really enjoy chatting online all that much, despite the multitude of profiles (I just like those handles...wanted bagsies on them! :-p ). Most of the time, I'm pretty busy doing work, research (the net comes in very very handy here, all the more reason for me to kowtow to the wonders of technology), posting on forums, tweaking my comp, gaming, or writing emails...I am merely on Yahoo / MSN Messenger and ICQ so that existing friends and relatives, most of whom live quite a distance from my area (and some abroad even), can get in touch whenever they like, and the net is by far the cheapest and quickest option.

I mean, this is just common sense, isn't it?

I don't mind making new friends in the process and indeed, would very much love to, but I would like to point out that that's not my ONLY objective.

Yes, I have had to endure unwelcome advances, just like everyone else...But such petty trivialities can be easily dealt with...What normally transpires is this: I simply honour them with the one-fingered salute, and then switch to 'Ignore' mode. Think about it...what could these people possibly do over the net, apart from spout a few acerbic comments, hack my machine and send a couple of viruses (which I am fully equipped to deal with, thanks to regular back-ups from our Icy Box)??? From personal experience (yes, this has already happened to me on numerous occasions), I have noticed that hackers and trolls seem to hit a wall pretty quickly. I guess the cyber community has too many safety measures in place for these offenders to get very far in their attempts. Besides, I did warn them...Not my fault if they choose to behave like imbeciles by shirking all responsibility of exercising self-control...The transgression is theirs, NOT mine...I don't see why the rest of us have to hold back from realising the net's full potential just because some morons want to abuse it.

I operate on a very simple policy...Don't mess with me or those I love, and I won't mess with you...and believe me, I can be one nasty piece of work when provoked.

I have no argument with those who want to look for a partner online, as long as he/she understands that not everyone has that same mission in life.

Being a bit of an Exhibitionist, I also have to confess I have a habit of shamelessly plugging my website just to increase traffic...Don't know why, but those little counters have awakened a competitive streak in me...Yeah, yeah...I'm anal like that...No need to rub it in...[SNIFF]

This seems like a good time to thank those lovely people who've signed my Guestbook (Hint Hint! Subtle Blackmail - I know where you buried all those bodies!!!)...An artist craves recognition, and humble though my site or work may be, I am very grateful for the kind compliments, and friendly suggestions / tips are always welcome.

See...even I can be nice! :-p

Q.006. When did you lose your virginity?
A.006. I didn't...It was stolen from me when I was 19...Not something to shout about, but certainly not something to be ashamed of either...Compared to my peers, I was slow in acquiring sexual knowledge and experience...didn't even know what a love-bite/hicky looked like till I was 16 or so...and I found out about the rest of it the hardest (definitely no pun intended) way possible...Given a choice I would rather wait till after marriage before having sex...or at least until I meet the one I'm certain I want to spend the rest of my life with...someone like David...Anyway, nothing much I could of done then, and certainly nothing now...the past, regardless of how traumatic, will just have to stay where it is...And that's all I have to say about this...End of story.

Q.007. What would be your ideal date?
A.007. I'm happy if it's with David...I ask for nothing else...

Q.008. Do you believe in marriage?
A.008. Er hem...That's Marriage with a capital 'M'!

Q.009. Are you married?
A.009. Well, ok...not quite...I'll admit I made that up just to throw the pervs off...It works...sometimes...

It's not a total lie though, we've already been living together like an old married couple for quite a few years, so we might as well consider ourselves married. David has asked me to marry him, and I asked him the same a couple of times, but no concrete plans as yet...I'm not too bothered about having a wedding though. When it comes right down to it, it's just another big party...A little prosaic, but true...seems to me that what comes after you say 'I do' is more important. I just wish more people could see that too...

I'm more than happy to have that piece of paper symbolise our union...It may JUST be a certificate, but the whole procedure of vowing to be with someone for life in full view of witnesses can help cement a relationship further (whispered promises in the darkness of night will sound very different in the cold light of day...but if you have the courage to make such a commitment, what is there to fear?), obviously depending on what kind of people the bride and groom are...and if it's David and I making those vows, you can bet your Manolo Blahnik's (or whatever prized possession you have) that we'll mean it.

Oh, and before you start waving the 'yellow fever' banner at David and I, I'll have you know that some of my predecessors were of the non-Asian variety...

So there!

Q.010. Will you marry me?
A.010. Whoa...steady on!

I really really hope you're joking, but if you're not, please refer to A.052.